When will Corey get the glory?

January 13, 1994

Dear Bethy,

Guess what?? I'm in a fight with Piper. See, in the first place she started scraping her nails on he chalkboard. I told her to stop and all she did was encourage more people to do it too. Then later when we were walking to the library she got mad for nothing! I HATE HER! 

Then, Reese asked Bill to ask Allison if she'd go out with Reese. She hasn't decided because how can they go out if they don't talk? 

Besides, I don't want her to go out. Why should she get the glory? Tomorrow, Connor's asking Patrick who he likes!

Love,

Corey

I like how Piper always does some horrible thing to me (scraping nails on the chalkboard! gasp!) but when she's mad I have done nothing at all. It is a big mystery that I will never get to the bottom of. Because as far as  I can tell, nothing is every ten year old Corey's fault. 

I remember my jealousy of Allison well. She was beautiful and Reese was gorgeous and all I wanted was to get that same easy attention. Also, if Bill is asking Allison if she will go out with Reese-- has there ever been a more beautiful, romantic start to a relationship! 

The real mystery in this entry is why did I ask CONNOR, my supposed enemy who did nothing but make fun of me, to find out if Patrick liked me?? Did I tell him about my crush? Did I trust him with this valuable information? Will wonders never cease?? 

Tune in to find out is Allison does, in fact, get all the glory.....

Screaming Corey

January 6, 1994

Dear Bethy,

Hi! Lot's to say! Yesterday at gym Piper was being a bitch!! See, something was wrong so Evie and I asked her what was wrong and she kept pushing us away! So Evie and I started ignoring her (also, Evie mentioned that while she and Piper were playing school once, and since Evie's a bit dumb Piper said "Evie, you can be the smart one since you don't usually get to do that!" I was so mad) 

But later today Evie and I made up with her. But yesterday when Evie and I were discussing why we were mad at Piper, Allison butted in and said "So, you're in a fight with Piper?" I was so aggravated I screamed, "None of your business!" She got mad but I also made up with her! 

See ya!

Corey

Trouble interpreting this one? Me too. It appears I got mad at Piper for... pushing me away when she was upset? And I got mad at Allison for... asking me if I was in a fight with Piper? 

I enjoy the description that I screamed at Allison. I don't know if my current self would actually admit to that kind of drastic behavior. 

And when I feel bad about my actions as a ten year old, at least I know I wasn't alone. Piper called Evie stupid? Actually, that level of snide comment is pretty intense for a ten year old. Gotta respect that. Young enough to still play school (really?? ten year olds today mostly like, go to the mall and smoke and have sex from what I understand) but old enough to really hit someone where it hurts and an aggressive but partially subtle way? I like it. 

By the way, being ten sounds exhausting. 

Wayne's World and its Effect on Humanity

January 3,1994

Dear Bethany,

Hi! Guess what? You know how I'm only allowed to watch G and PG movies? Well Piper always used to too. But Piper saw Waynes World AND Mrs. Doubtfire-- both rated at LEAST PG13!! I can't believe it! I feel so alone! I'm probably the only person in the school who hasn't seen Wayne's World. 

You know what I was thinking? Whoever is reading this journal has thought I was fairly mature- up to this point. 

Love

Corey

I actually remember this very conundrum well. EVERYONE was talking about Wayne's World, all the time. Every joke, ever snide comment, every insult, every punch line-- they were all quotes from Wayne's World. I pretended I had seen it. Which actually doesn't work very well at all, because quotes from that movie make zero sense out of context, so I couldn't ever guess what was being said. 

And, I mean, not being able to see Mrs. Doubtfire?? Come on now. Strangely, I was allowed to watch Pretty Woman as long as I left the room during the piano scene. I don't know what that means about my family, but I won't dwell on the double standard. 

Oh, and I'm pretty sure NO ONE reading this thinks I was "fairly mature". Unless we are very liberal with the meaning of the word mature. 

New Year, Same Cruelty.

January 1, 1994

Dear Bethy,

Hi! Guess what... It's 1994. My new year's resolution is this: I'm  going to look on the bright side of things- you know, try not to be so depressed and worried about every little thing. 

I'll finish up my friend list:

Corrine: Corrine is kind of a snob. She has dirty blonde hair- shoulder length but much thinner than mine. She looks really skinny but she's not. 

I guess that's it!

Later!

Corey

Oh... oh god. I really never realized I even thought about skinniness at this age.... I mean, I weighed about as much as your average 5 year old, so it couldn't have been competitiveness... What does it even mean that she looks skinny but she isn't?? Does she have some hidden stomach only I have seen? Does she dress so well that she looks super skinny but is actually obese? 

As for my New Year's resolution... I wonder how many times I have made this exact resolution. And at ten I was pretty happy... I mean, high school hadn't even happened yet. If I think I'm depressed at age ten, I can't imagine how I describe my state of being at age 16....

Sluts At Every Age.

December 24, 1993

Dear Bethy,

I can't believe its almost Christmas can you???

I spent last night at Cathy's. It was tons of fun!! We had awesome pizza from Pizza Hut. 

...Well I guess I will continue with my list:

Diana: Diana is very mature acting and she is very smart. She's been my friend for a while and we were best friends until Cassie came along. But she's not here anymore and I'd rather not talk about her now, she makes me sick. Anyway, they became good friends and Cassie kind of broke Diana and I apart. She's got short, dark, brown hair and just got bangs! 

Bree: In Betty's words Bree is "Gorgeously Gorgeous." She has neat eyes. But Bree often clashes and, like, doesn't wash or brush her hair. She has "sexy legs" as Connor says. She is very nice but isn't very trustful. She has told many secrets. She's also a bit of a slut. 

Georgia: Georgia is beautiful. Her eyes are a bit different but mostly just very dark and big. Georgia is also very nice. She's very funny but occasionally talks behind peoples backs (then again I do sometimes) I think she takes teasing very well because lots of boys in our class say she has a moustache. 

love,

Corey

I had almost entirely forgotten about "Cassie". Holy crap. That girl traumatized me. I still kind of get chills seeing her name. Is it weird that she still makes me sick? She didn't invite me to her going away party that everyone else was invited to.... and I lived like, down the street from her and was supposedly good friends with her. Oh man. That hurt. I feel like I'm ten again. Crap.

I called a ten year old a slut. a SLUT. None of us had even gotten our first kiss yet. Like, no one in the whole grade! So... i wonder in what way she was slutty. Clothing? Flirting? Or, most likely, I didn't even know what that word meant? Oh well, at least she's only "a bit of a slut". So you know, I'm sure there were way sluttier ten year olds than her. No, really. some of them were total whores. 

And poor Georgia. In all these entries I was thinking I had it bad. Thank god I grew into my ears and I'm pretty sure Georgia discovered waxing with the rest of us. 

I Am An Individualist. Don't Mess With Me.

December 22, 1993

Dear Bethany,

Now about my friends. I'll start with my best and go on to my least (just because they're least does not mean I don't like them a lot!)

Piper: Piper is my all time favorite friend, but she's got tons of problems. She is about an "8" on beauty but she's very slim and graceful. 

I think she's an "above stress level  child" but a great friend. I got her an M&M gumball machine for Christmas. 

Cathy: Cathy is absolutely stunning but often clashes. I think she would make a great model when she is around 18. Cathy used to like Connor and still thinks he's cute (actually so do I) but he's a big jerk. 

Allison: She wants to be an actress when she grows up which really upsets me. I kinda thought it way MY thing. Like, I would be an individual. Cause I'm an individualist in some ways. Every time she mentions it I get all hot and mean feeling. 

More later!

love,

Corey

Um. I could write a novel on this entry alone. 

First, I'd like to know who taught be the phrase "above stress level child". Did I read this in a book? Did my parents use it? The school guidance counselor? Where do I GET this stuff?

Secondly, though I do talk about my crush Patrick a lot, I seem to talk about bad boy Connor even more. For someone who is my enemy, I certainly spend a LOT of time talking about him. And thinking he's cute. 

Thirdly, just one word: Individualist. I mean, is this like a valid way to define oneself? Some people think its cool to be like everyone else, others think its important to be your own person? I enjoy that I seem to have taken this on as a kind of political statement. 

I am an individualist. You know, like, I believe in individuals. 

Watch out all: sometimes I get "hot and mean feeling". You have been warned. 

This is No Barbie Dream House

December 14, 1993 continued...

I'm going to explain my "dream house": 1st floor: It's only two rooms. One- the gym which has a vault, beam, bars, and the whole floor and all the walls are made of mats. 

The other room is a theatre with a huge stage and tons of comfortable velvety chairs. 2nd floor: An old-fashioned kitchen with a gas stove and a polished kitchen table; a dining room. 

oops! I'll finish later!

See Ya

Yours Forever, 

Corey

I do not return to descriptions of this "dream house" any time in the next few weeks. 

My current living arrangement? An adorable studio apartment. The rooms? A bedroom that doubles as a living room, a kitchen and a bathroom. My stove is gas, but I think I had a very different, romantic vision of what that meant. 

I don't have a theatre but I DO have DVR on my tv and I really enjoy that. No velvet seats, but there's a fleece blanket, so that's pretty comfortable. I've grown to really like fleece, so I guess my expensive tastes have been tempered.  I don't have a gym, but I go to one sometimes. Sadly, I don't do gymnastics and it smells like sweat and antiseptic. 

These days I dream of a bedroom with a door and enough space for a full sized couch instead of a love seat. And I love my 400 square feet. 

Dream Big.