Screaming Corey

January 6, 1994

Dear Bethy,

Hi! Lot's to say! Yesterday at gym Piper was being a bitch!! See, something was wrong so Evie and I asked her what was wrong and she kept pushing us away! So Evie and I started ignoring her (also, Evie mentioned that while she and Piper were playing school once, and since Evie's a bit dumb Piper said "Evie, you can be the smart one since you don't usually get to do that!" I was so mad) 

But later today Evie and I made up with her. But yesterday when Evie and I were discussing why we were mad at Piper, Allison butted in and said "So, you're in a fight with Piper?" I was so aggravated I screamed, "None of your business!" She got mad but I also made up with her! 

See ya!

Corey

Trouble interpreting this one? Me too. It appears I got mad at Piper for... pushing me away when she was upset? And I got mad at Allison for... asking me if I was in a fight with Piper? 

I enjoy the description that I screamed at Allison. I don't know if my current self would actually admit to that kind of drastic behavior. 

And when I feel bad about my actions as a ten year old, at least I know I wasn't alone. Piper called Evie stupid? Actually, that level of snide comment is pretty intense for a ten year old. Gotta respect that. Young enough to still play school (really?? ten year olds today mostly like, go to the mall and smoke and have sex from what I understand) but old enough to really hit someone where it hurts and an aggressive but partially subtle way? I like it. 

By the way, being ten sounds exhausting. 

New Year, Same Cruelty.

January 1, 1994

Dear Bethy,

Hi! Guess what... It's 1994. My new year's resolution is this: I'm  going to look on the bright side of things- you know, try not to be so depressed and worried about every little thing. 

I'll finish up my friend list:

Corrine: Corrine is kind of a snob. She has dirty blonde hair- shoulder length but much thinner than mine. She looks really skinny but she's not. 

I guess that's it!

Later!

Corey

Oh... oh god. I really never realized I even thought about skinniness at this age.... I mean, I weighed about as much as your average 5 year old, so it couldn't have been competitiveness... What does it even mean that she looks skinny but she isn't?? Does she have some hidden stomach only I have seen? Does she dress so well that she looks super skinny but is actually obese? 

As for my New Year's resolution... I wonder how many times I have made this exact resolution. And at ten I was pretty happy... I mean, high school hadn't even happened yet. If I think I'm depressed at age ten, I can't imagine how I describe my state of being at age 16....

I Am An Individualist. Don't Mess With Me.

December 22, 1993

Dear Bethany,

Now about my friends. I'll start with my best and go on to my least (just because they're least does not mean I don't like them a lot!)

Piper: Piper is my all time favorite friend, but she's got tons of problems. She is about an "8" on beauty but she's very slim and graceful. 

I think she's an "above stress level  child" but a great friend. I got her an M&M gumball machine for Christmas. 

Cathy: Cathy is absolutely stunning but often clashes. I think she would make a great model when she is around 18. Cathy used to like Connor and still thinks he's cute (actually so do I) but he's a big jerk. 

Allison: She wants to be an actress when she grows up which really upsets me. I kinda thought it way MY thing. Like, I would be an individual. Cause I'm an individualist in some ways. Every time she mentions it I get all hot and mean feeling. 

More later!

love,

Corey

Um. I could write a novel on this entry alone. 

First, I'd like to know who taught be the phrase "above stress level child". Did I read this in a book? Did my parents use it? The school guidance counselor? Where do I GET this stuff?

Secondly, though I do talk about my crush Patrick a lot, I seem to talk about bad boy Connor even more. For someone who is my enemy, I certainly spend a LOT of time talking about him. And thinking he's cute. 

Thirdly, just one word: Individualist. I mean, is this like a valid way to define oneself? Some people think its cool to be like everyone else, others think its important to be your own person? I enjoy that I seem to have taken this on as a kind of political statement. 

I am an individualist. You know, like, I believe in individuals. 

Watch out all: sometimes I get "hot and mean feeling". You have been warned.