Friday, December 16, 2011

Corey's First Breakup. Goodbye, Patrick.

November 27, 1995

This has been the worst day of my life! I'm not exaggerating! I guess you should know the big news. PATRICK DUMPED ME!!!!
I was kinda thinking along the lines of me dumping him-- I guess not! It was sad. I have to realize it now-- have to let it settle in. It refuses to. I guess on top of all that, the fact I got bad grades on EVERYTHING and cried in school about the C+ on my To Kill A Mockingbird paper that I worked really hard on, it had a huge impact on me, and leaves an empty feeling in my stomach.
I can so clearly remember when I gave him a valentine day with hearts all over it and messages like "P+C=true love forever" and he gave me a valentine with hearts on it. The first note he gave me that said "LOVE, Patrick." The best day of my life was the day he asked me out. I used to love him. I don't anymore. But it hurts. It hurts to have your first "true love", your first boyfriend bumped out of your life. There's a big hole in my stomach, waiting for me to cry. Should I feel free or sad? Does this mean I'm really ugly? An idiot? WHY did he dump me? I need someone to give me a big hug and rock me back and forth and tell me its okay. I need a friend here. I'm too alone.
What should I do? WHY am i not crying? Aren't I supposed to? Is life going to be different? I NEED A FRIEND! Someone HAS to help me!
I HOPE it's a better day tomorrow. I'm NOT exaggerating when I say this is the worst day of my life!!!

Awwww my first break up. What amuses me most of all here is that I explain every detail of every day of my little life, EXCEPT explaining like, HOW Patrick actually dumped me. Did he call? I mean, I assume it was a phone call but I want to know exactly what he said and what I said! Why, after all this time of being so detailed, would I now suddenly skimp on details?
It's actually a sad thing-- like those moments are lost .Which I know is normal for everyone else, but when you have almost 20 years of journals, it's actually unusual to not have a record of the Big Moments.
And this is one of the Big Ones. Right? Right? Except for the not crying thing. Which I guess soooooort of undermines the whole thing.

Besides, twelve-year-old Corey is too obsessed with eighteen-year-old Derek and his many high-fives and "hi there"s in school to really care about Patrick, my "first true love" dumping me.

Still, end of an era. Patrick has been the main focus of my journals since they began in 1993. MILESTONE.