The Kittie Journal

I would like to tell the story of how I got the kittie journal. I would like a touching memory of my mother and father handing me a diary and telling me to write my dreams and wishes in its private pages. I would like to think my first entry in my sixteen year relationship with diaries and journals started with the explanation of why and how I started keeping a diary. Instead, my first entry is a vivid, detailed account of my first major crush, Patrick (all names changed to protect the innocent. As well as my mortified ten year old self who would never forgive me.) 

Dear Bethany,

Today I'll talk about PATRICK.... When we worked on the newspaper he was always showing off and typing so fast that he made mistakes. Of course he's one of the smartest in the grade and AMAZING in math. 

Luckily, this first entry also reveals that Patrick liked me as "more than a friend"! Is there anything better than being ten and having the boy you like like you back? If I remember correctly my best friend, Diana, passed him a note in class asking him to check off his feelings for me putting them in the correct category. Diana and I spent the weekend creating this ingenious system, giving him options like "A. Ew, Corey's gross; B. She's my friend; C. She's more than a friend; D. I love Corey. 

All things considered, "more than a friend" was acceptable. My expectations were at least realistic when I was ten. I also apparently had the same desire to have clearly delineated emotions. There was very little room for ambivalence or confusion. My description of Patrick is exuberant without any angst or understanding of his faults. Even his typing mistakes were reason to love him more. 

At least Patrick was smart. And a red-head.