Scared of Sport, Guys, Bathing Suits

June 14, 1996

Hey there Beth! 

Diana can be so.... I don't know. Tightish. She's my best friend but she can just be so "say-one-thing-and-I'll-kill-you". You know what I mean? I'll say something and it like hits something in her brain or something and she just gets really mad. Not even really mad, just she screams. Sometimes I wish I  could tell her everything wrong with her, and she'd go fix it. 

There's a big all class pool party tomorrow! I can't wait. Well, fine. I'm a little nervous. I look good in a bathing suit. Diana AND my mom both say that. I guess what I'm really stressed about is the little issue of sports. I suck at volleyball and soccer, but what if no one else is bad at them and they all play and I look stupid because I'm NOT playing? Help! This could be very bad. On the other hand, maybe something interesting with guys could happen. Probably not to me though. Oh well. Talk to you later.

Peace and Love,
Corey

Sorry Diana. My unreasonable expectations for other people are finally catching up to you. And now I apparently want to just let you know everything I don't like about you, and then have you become a whole new person. Meanwhile, I am just a constant joy to be around.

Also what is this "screaming"? I don't remember Diana being particularly verbally abusive or anything. She wasn't like, constantly raging at me. Apparently, actually, she was mostly telling me how great I looked in a bathing suit. Sounds just terrible.

First pool party. Is there anything more anxiety inducing??

I Have An Amazing Personality. Seriously.

June 12, 1996

Dear Beth,

So I'm out of school finally. I mean I'm not saying the year was bad-- but it was a hell of a year! Just read through a few of my entries. Friends, grades, teachers, so much more. Adjustments are hard. Figuring out who you really are, what you really want to be. I still sort of wonder sometimes. I know what I want to be. I want people to say I have a passion for life, I really really really want to. I want to always be happy, helpful, diligent, fun optimistic. I am in some ways. At least I think so. A lot of other people think so too.  I know they do.

I can work on stuff, like how to treat people in my life. 

I think my personality could really do a lot for my life. 

So anyway, I'm totally psyched for summer. Who wouldn't be? I'm going to Bermuda soon. And then NH to do a theatre thing. I hope Brian, the one I was in The Sound of Music with, is in the theatre thing with me. I really think I might be in love with him. That probably sounds extreme but we're MADE for each other. 

-- Corey

Ah, I love it when Little Corey gets all deep. 

Also, who wants to be diligent??

And, are you as confused as I am about the sudden appearance of Love of My Life, Brian?? Because I have talked about Derek, Ned, and Joe this year... but this Brian dude is a mystery. He was an actor/dancer/singer I did musical theatre with and I think threw myself at eventually. 

And my personality has TOTALLY done SO MUCH for my life. So, that was a solid prediction for sure. 

Stop Trying to Be Deep, Penny!

May 5, 1996

To Bethany:

Ned and Nina are going out. It's okay though. I like Joe now. He is SO what I'm looking for. He's great! I hope we get together. Tess is working on it. Tess and I were just in a big fight that we resolved--what's new-- and I am beginning to get sooooo annoyed with Penny! She is trying to be something she's not. It's hard to explain but she's losing a lot of friends by doing it. But in some ways, that's her point. She tries to be deep-- as in like deep speeches. Ultra-feminist total individual. And by doing this she says stupid things that no one-- I repeat NO ONE in their right mind would ever agree with. I want to tell her but I know it won't help. It would just prove her point that she doesn't care what people think of her. Well, if that's what she wants I won't give her support, but I'll give her some amount of respect. 

--Corey 

What's great about 13 year old Corey is that she rebounds FAST. It's cool. Ned's now taken? Cool. I will move on to Joe! And also: Tess will make it HAPPEN. Who knew how much power she had??

I think it's so interesting how angry I get at Penny's "feminist" and "individual" views and opinions. I mean, I feel like even at 13, if anyone's feminist and individual its me. I wonder if I'm uncomfortable with Penny expressing some things I feel? Breaking the rules of middle school?

Or maybe she's just really annoying and trying to hard.