Today was SHIT. First, Evie told me that she and Mona were in a fight. She started crying. (Mona is her best friend). Also, Allison got mad at me because I "made up with Piper". (I was in a fight with her) Allison said "you only need me when you're mad at Piper. You know what? That's not true! Allison and Diana are my best friends!!
It's so hard to keep up-- mostly in terms of the fight between me and Piper. I mean, every other entry we have either gotten in a new fight or made up from an old one. It's really exhausting. These days I prefer to stick with one emotion per friend. Or at least if we're friends I'm committed to trying NOT to fight. That doesn't seem the case with me and Piper. I think we mostly just follow every single impulsive emotion to its full capacity.
I like that Allison called me on my shit. I mean, its too bad it make no impact on my thoughts, feelings, or behavior. But its a good effort none the less. I don't think I intentionally used people. But I think mostly my friends were there to assist me. And I don't know that I was so supportive (In case you have forgotten... i have not... I wanted to tell Allison she couldn't have a boyfriend if we were to maintain our friendship)
I will focus on the teeny tiny evidence of my current, more sensitive self-- I actually give a shit that Evie is fighting with her friend, and seem to feel bad that she is crying. My sympathy seems to be sporadic and arbitrary, but at least it exists.