Thursday, March 7, 2013

In which my stuffed animal kills itself.

July 26, 1996

Hi Bethy,

You know what Ellen is doing now? Complaining about camp! ELLEN! She LOVES camp! She is just a Brenda wanna-be. Brenda is just into saying how stupid camp is. We did this Mardi Gras party thing that (up to a point) was pretty cool. We got candy and made masks and stuff. Ellen and Brenda actually LEFT. They just left Hiland Hall and came to the cabin. That is SO NOT ELLEN!!! It pisses me off. She shouldn't go around, like, changing who she is to fit whoever she wants to be friends with. It's not fair to people who have been friends from before, know what I mean? I don't know what the fudge she is doing. Why she is so into Brenda. I hate it. 


July 27, 1996

Hi Bethany,

We had a HUGE cabin fight. Me, Brenda, and Ellen mostly. A group of cabinmates hung my stuffed animal Tammy on the window string and wrote a suicide note. All during Free Choice time I cried and rested. I was pissed. Then I came back from evening activity and Tammy was hung again. I cried and yelled at Ellen and Brenda (who were the main people in the second hanging). Then we had a cabin meeting etc. Brenda and I made up. She wrote me a really sincere, sweet note. Ellen  cried a little, but it was a bad cry. I didn't like the way she cried. 


What is important to note about this entire story is that I completely forgot all about it. Ellen, however, recently contacted me and remembered ALL about it, down to my stuffed animal's name. I didn't remember Tammy getting hung at all, and basically can't even read this entries without cracking up. Also, important to note that Ellen is one of the loveliest people you'll ever meet. And from what I understand, she had a pretty awful summer at camp that year, too. Uh, basically the moral of the story is that growing up is hard.

There's something so simple and perfect about this prank. And about the way that 13 year olds grow up at different paces and experiment with rebellion at different paces. I think that's what makes this age so hard. Even if you are six months or a year apart from each other, in terms of growing into adolescence, it's full on traumatic. I wasn't ready to let go of stuffed animals and arts and crafts and being a little girl, but I knew it was right around the corner. And that's why I love these entries. I'm so scared and Ellen probably is too, and we don't know how to deal with alllllll the changes that come with being 13 and away from home and around brand new friends.

But man. The image of my stuffed animal hanging from the window with a suicide note attached to it's fur? Amazing. Truly, truly amazing.

Also, what is bad crying? How did I not like the way she cried?? Something I will never understand about Little Corey.


  1. I think this is my favorite entry yet. So fascinating. I'm also flabbergasted that they hung the bear TWICE. Serious commitment.

  2. I can't remember what the note said.... something like "i can't do it anymore" or something.

  3. This is amazing. Best line: "Ellen cried a little, but it was a bad cry. I didn't like the way she cried."

    You were a writer way back when, even after fake bear suicide.