Home Base. Which I Probably Don't Actually Know the Meaning of.

July 24, 1995

Dear Beth,

Well its my second day at camp. Actually its the beginning of the first FULL day here at Lochearn Camp for Girls. It's great here. Tiny (but cozy) cabin, 8 of us (incuding our counselor Skip). Actually, Skip is awesome. So is just about everyone here. Sue is kinda talkative and can be nice but sometimes she acts really sucky. Susan really gets to me though.

July 25, 1995

Dear Bethy,

Hi! Camp is good. All Mo's little friends are here talking about second base and they asked what base I've been to with Patrick. I haven't even gotten a peck on the cheek, I barely talk to him and I never have held his hand. It's depressing. I feel really immature. I used to feel all "cool" but now I feel like I SHOULD make out, etc.

No I don't want to go to "home base" before I get married but I'd ike to say "I've gone to second base" I'd like to- but I don't want it to really happen. Oh well! life is screwed.

Peace and Love,

Corey

Oh. Oh no. Not little Corey talking about no sex until marriage. nooooo.

To be fair, who knows what I think sex actually IS at this point. I mean, I'm still using baseball euphemisms so clearly I am not 100 percent informed.

Also, here is the moment when it becomes clear that my "boyfriend" Patrick is not really gonna cut it as a boyfriend. I mean, if you can't brag at camp about going to second base.... what is the point of even HAVING a boyfriend?

Life lessons from Lochearn Camp for Girls.

Oh and yes, Life is Screwed. Glad I learned that shit early on.

Oh No. A Depressing Entry.

July 12, 1995

Dear Bethany,

Here I am again to tell the story of my pathetically lame life! First of all, Jessie the official Ms. Bitch of the year: she's made at me and Alice for absolutely no particular reason. Alice is so guilt-taken. She feels really made about it. She reminds me the tiniest bit of Ellen-- the way she won't be mad at someone.

I mean, I guess I feel bad about it. Whatever, I do. Now Jessie makes up with Alice and not me. What the fuck is her problemo.

Peace and Love

(well my life is war and hate...)

Corey

later today:

Jessie and I made up but I'm still kind P.O.ed at her (no particular reason).

Even Later Today:

Beth- Hi it's me again. Everyone (meaning Jessie, Alice, Kim, Kim's mom and Kim's friend Lauren) went to Blueberry Island by canoe. I'm stuck here all by myself 'cause I couldn't reach my mom to ask if I could go with them. None of my OBNOXIOUS friends stayed here with me. I know if one of MY friends had the same problem I'D stay with them and I'm NOT just saying that. I have real feelings I consider myself a true blue friend to anyone. No I'm not bragging I'm just REALLY MAD/SAD.

I was just going through my journal and I realized what hard times I've had. Does this happen to everyone? I'm like some little taregt of God...if I believe in him which I'm not so certain about now. I need help but I have no one to turn to. I need some voice to tell me what to do and how to act. I hate my life. No not that bad. I just get such weird feelings. Like, when I'm at a sleepover I don't like, have a good feeling (when I'm trying to go to sleep) I always "want my mommy". Does anyone else feel this way? I'm just a loner I guess. How will I survive at camp? I'll learn when the time comes... I hope!

P&L,

Corey

Part one of this entry made me laugh. But now that I have finished typing it out I kiiiinda want to cry.

I have no actual comprehension of what this alleged fight with me and Jessie and Alice was. Presumably something inane and tiny that I will forget entirely about by the next entry. But the loneliness is tragic. Clearly I have a melodrama problem (the questioning of god, the assertion that my life comes down to "war and hate"). But the image of deserted Little Corey on the beach while everyone else goes canoeing.... heartbreaking. I may need to do another post immediately in the hopes that Little Corey will be uproariously funny again instead of prozac-worthy.