Tuesday, May 4, 2010

MY FIRST BOYFRIEND. OR: THREE AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS

March 13, 1995

Bethany--
Hi! Soooo much has happened!! Most importantly, Patrick asked me out on my birthday. Exactle one month ago today. Speaking of my b-day I got a phone jack and a cool phone. I LOVE PATRICK! Here's the exact words:

Patrick: Corey would you like to go out with me?
Corey: Yes.
Patrick: Happy Birthday!
Corey: Thanks.

Phone conversation (that afternoon around 3:30. Diana was there.)
Patrick: Hi, Corey? This is Patrick.
Corey: Oh! Hi!
Patrick: I'm just calling cause Diana told me to.
Corey: Oh! (SILENCE) So.... how are you?
Patrick: Good, how are you?
Corey: I'm good. (MOM WALKS IN) Oh my god! I'm sorry- I really have to go!
Patrick: That's ok. Bye.
Corey: Bye!

Then later, about two weeks after that we talked again (at recess). I don't remember much but here's the idea:
Patrick: Hi.
Corey: Hi.
Patrick: So what did you do on vacation?
Corey: Um, I just stayed here. What did you do?
Patrick: I went to Florida.
Corey: Cool.
(LONG PAUSE)
Patrick: It's snowing.
Corey: (GIGGLE)

You get the idea. Pointless conversations but when I look at him smiling at me I just get so nervous! I love him but I think i MIGHT like Jake, Reese, and Brad. But not like I love Patrick. I want to talk to him but I get so nervous when I try to.
Guess what?? I got into Nobles- the school I want to go to.

I LOVE PATRICK AND... HE LOVES ME! He does! Ellen asked him!

Love
Corey

Well. Here's where it really begins. The true beginning of my love life, setting the stage for all that is to come. Obviously my standards for conversation were pretty minimal, as were my standards for actually connecting on level or, like, having a relationship. Oh, and by Patrick "asking me out" that DOES NOT MEAN A DATE. I'll give you the spoiler now. We never go on a date. NEVER. "Asking out" just means that now we... officially like each other? Get to have awkward public recess conversations? "love" each other? It's unclear what the exact rules are, but trust me, its FOR REAL.

A shout out to Diana for making this all happen... and making Patrick call me in what is surely the single most awkward phone call of my entire life. GOD I wish I had lived in a time where there were text messages. Soooo much easier. In fact, I don't think I'd have continued dating at all had text messages not come into my life. How could I possibly have a normal phone conversation with a potential boyfriend after THAT disaster?? Let's just say I'm still afraid of the phone. And I screen calls like a motherfucker.

Perhaps the most surprising part of the entry is that I also have suddenly developed feelings for THREE OTHER BOYS. I am such a commitment-phobe. WTF. I finally get the person I've been pining after for TWO WHOLE YEARS, and my first thought is that I also like three other people, one of whom is REESE, my friend Allison's boyfriend?!? Will I never be satisfied?? I think it's all making sense now... like, my whole life. I think I understand it all now. And I'm terrified.

Another shout out to Ellen for asking Patrick if he loves me. Which, thank god, he does. I mean, can't you tell? The love was deep, my friends. I actually think I miss the way you love when you're 12. It's a word that has a totally different meaning at that age then it does a decade or two later. Love was literally just the nervousness and excitement, the thrill. The singular focus. And as soon as Patrick and I make it official.... BOOM. He loves me.

There's something brewing here that has Deep Meaning, but I can't quite put my finger on it yet.

2 comments:

  1. "Diana"May 6, 2010 at 6:49 PM

    Oh, how I wish I remember how the conversation went when I insist that he call you. Let's just chalk up my overt intrusion into your "relationship" to my desire to live vicariously. I was a loser.

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  2. Whoa, was "asking you out" his birthday present to you? What a cheapskate!

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