The Plot to Kill Kristen.

January 21, 1995

Dear Bethany,

Hi! No, Farryl hasn't forgiven me, even though I wrote her yet another apology letter. But this was (I thought) written much better.

Oh, by the way, I re-decorated my closet You know, painted the shelves. It looks SO COOL. Like one shelf has a sun and a moon. One has a rainbow, one is lots of stickers and one is all my friends signing in.

Diana wrote: "To Cor, I'm in front cause I'm the your best of friends. Pretty cool closet and many more."

Allison wrote: "Corey, I hope Kristen dies." ... At the time Allison was and still is mad at Kristen for writing a secret admirer note to Reese, Allison's boyfriend.

love,

Corey

This marks the moment I learned that even the best written apology note won't forgive complete evil bitchiness. The only thing I'm sure about with this note is that I spent more time congratulating myself on the high quality of the writing than I did actually accepting responsibility for what I did.

As for the closet... this was also known as my "office". I'm not kidding. My little walk in closet was my office where I sat and did "work". This is why I spent so much time decorating it.

Allison's message, just to clarify, was written in our secret language. I wish I could replicate it here, but sadly there is no font for our complex system of weird little symbols. We often used it to plot the deaths of our fellow classmates.

Poor Kristen. Allison was arguably the prettiest little 11 year old ever, and Kristen just simply had no shot with Reese. Given that, its surprising Allison even gave a shit that Kristen wrote Reese a note... no one was getting that boy away from Allison. No one.

...rainbows and stickers. still, corey? really? aren't we getting a little old for that.

when do i get cool???

Journal Number 3 and The Truthmaster.

Third Journal, the Stained Glass Journal. Finally embracing my "artsy" self.

January 14, 1994

Dear Bethany,

Hi! I'm so sorry I haven't written for such a long time but nothing has seemed important enough to tell you about. But now something has. It all started last week.

I had gotten really annoyed at Farryl because she was becoming "snobbish". For instance, she and Allison complained about how "fat and ugly" they are which is totally untrue. So I assumed she was just doing it to get compliments. So I wrote her a letter telling her my thoughts but assuring her I didn't mean to be cruel or anything like that. So Kristin gave her the note I wrote (it was signed "The Truthmaster"). She read it and knew immediately who wrote it. She wrote me a note back saying "Dear Truthmaster: I know who you are. THANKS A LOT! Your so-called snob, Farryl."

She also told her best friend Piper she would never forgive me. In desperation yesterday I wrote her another letter telling her how sorry I was, and how she had so many good qualities (a tiny white lie). I don't know if it worked yet.

Love,

Corey

I have been waiting patiently for this entry. I remember VERY well writing this note and the fall out that happened because of it. I was hoping there would be some explanation for writing an "anonymous" (THE TRUTHMASTER?? REALLY????) note to someone who I considered a "friend" (at this point I think I have to use that term loosely.) Sadly there was no such explanation. Clearly something bigger was going on. No way was this entire psychotic reaction just from Farryl complaining about being "fat" (how concerned could i possibly be with Farryl's insecurities, after all?) But at least in this first entry there is zero reasonable explanation.

It is now that I have to admit... I think I LIKED the drama. I mean, you don't write that note if you are looking for a calm, drama-free school year. Also, I'm wondering if I truly believed The Truthmaster's note would actually "cure" Farryl's attitude. This seems naive, even for eleven year old Corey. Although I suppose I did think pretty highly of my own morality and writing talents. So in that case... perhaps I thought my writing would have a life changing effect on my audience like all the other great leaders before me. Sigh.

What's fascinating about all of this is I was not exceptionally "popular". I was a mean girl, clearly, but not in any traditional way. I was, if anything, condescended to and mildly tolerated. In this day and age I'm pretty sure this kind of treacherous behavior is reserved for just the most beautiful, most socially secure pre-teens. I wouldn't last a week in modern day elementary school. Thank god for the 90s.

Ace of Base vs. Mariah Carey vs... Phil Collins??

September 8, 1994

Dear Bethany,

Hello. Today will be my last entry in this journal.

Today was the first day of school. I wore: a white t-shirt, my locket, a silver bracelet, a blue white and black kilt, white socks and a cool pair of shoes. I thought I looked at least 12. I was really nervous. What if no one else is dressed up? What if I hate Mr. Moran? What if everyone makes fun of me?

I know these sound like stupid questions... but I think everyone is worried about stuff like that.

We had an open-circle type thing. We went around and said our name and our favorite rock group/singer. It was to help the new kids know us better. I said my favorite group was Ave of Base. I like them, but they're not my favorite. I mean seriously! I don't want to ruin my reputation by saying some one like Phil Collins or Mariah Carey. On new boy, Justin, said Mariah Carey. Maybe he's gay or something because that is NOT a boy singer. If you know what I mean.

Love,

Corey

a KILT?? I wore a KILT on my first day of school?? Who let me out of the house wearing these getups? Oh well. At least I had "cool shoes". Lord knows what THAT means. But as long as they made me look at least 12 years old... then i'm good to go. Of course, at this point in my journals I am 11, so I'm not sure why the one year jump up was so vital. I guess 12 IS pretty damn mature...

Ok. Music. I stand behind my Ace of Base selection whole heartedly. BUT, why are they a band that will be good for my reputation, whereas Mariah Carey is not? Time of course shows us that Mariah had a somewhat (ha) more successful career than Ace of Base. But the real question... Phil Collins?? Where did THAT come from? I don't really recall having a deep passion for Phil Collins. Or having a CD (or in 1994 a cassette tape I suppose) of his at all for that matter. Did 11 year olds listen to Phil Collins?

Poor Phil. Being considered less reputable than Ace of Base. Ouch.

Oh, and Justin may not have been gay but he did not have the good social understanding that I did. According to Corey's laws of popularity lying is always the best way to protect your reputation. Poor kid. I wonder if everyone else was as aware of this serious faux-pas as I was...