Monday, April 20, 2009 i had a penchant for patchwork vests.

Not my proudest achievement. 

Only nine pages in to my journal, ten-year-old Corey had ranked her friends. Not JUST in terms of how much she likes them, but also in terms of how attractive they are. 

The friend list shifts over time to reflect the constantly changing relationships. DIFFERENT PEN COLORS correct the list. I have clearly gone to the trouble to change the list weeks, months later, so instead of staying a reflection of my friendships as they stood on October 27, 1993, they reflect the manically changing friendships of ten year old girls. 

In terms of attractiveness, I rate myself third most attractive in the entire fifth grade. This was not only generous, but delusional. With my  braces (complete with elastics in holiday appropriate colors... fabulously black and orange for Halloween) and oversized ears that were quite possibly large enough to actually weigh down my tiny head, I was probably not even in the top ten. 

But I have to respect the confidence. The journal was totally secret, and a place I was safe to own up to my insecurities. Happily, at ten, I wasn't yet objective. Presumably I felt pretty,  and that meant I must actually BE pretty. 

...where does that feeling of certainly vanish to in your twenties? 


  1. "Diana"April 20, 2009 at 7:14 PM

    I have a vivid memory of our after school art class sitting around and anonymously ranking the entire room's attractiveness level in 6th grade or so. I was dead last on everyone's list, including my own. I recently told my mom that story, and she could not get over how unnecessarily cruel of an activity it was. I assured her it made me a way tougher person today. (Plus, in retrospect, I'm glad I didn't peak when I was 11.)

  2. I remember that too! And am pretty sure I was second to last on everyone's but mine. Because my amazing self image probably made me think I was the prettiest one there. I didn't remember you put yourself last. That's unbelievably sad.

    GOD we were mini-bitches. Good thing you got hot. =)