August 9, 1996
I'm a lot better now. I think I'll be OK. I've had a really good day. French toast sticks and rice krispies for breakfast! :) And good classes. I'm wearing an awesome outfit-- new jeans, short ribbed aqua t-shirt. Everyone is treating me okay. Ellen is going to tell them all about my family stuff. So that will be good. And it can't get much worse.
This camp experience, as awful as it has been, has taught me a hell of a lot. I deal with stuff. I know that writing with you makes me feel better. I know more about me. I think I understand people better. So I guess it hasn't been a total waste. Although it hasn't been great. Oh well. I know I'll never be here again and I know I won't meet anyone here again. If I do meet them it will be because they were my friends. I'll miss camp and some of the people but home will be great. Being away makes me realize how lucky I am.
I AM lucky. I have home and parents and cool clothes. I have OK grades. I'm pretty (sorta). I have an awesome bedroom. Great friends etc. It's just a matter of getting home. Can't wait. :)
SPOILER ALERT: Things at home will NOT be great.
Also, what's hotter than a short, ribbed, aqua t-shirt. UM NOTHING.
If you've been following since the beginning you can see the start of the loss of confidence about my looks. Back when I was ten I was positive I was crazy pretty. Third prettiest in the whole grade, to be exact. Now I immediately backtrack on my confidence about my attractiveness. It's sort of tragic. A tragic parenthetical.
Good thing I've learned so much about myself, and about others. (I assume what I really mean is that I have learned how much better than everyone else I am? Or how misunderstood and deep I am?)
Lastly, I would totally love some french toast sticks right about now. That sounds amazing!