Best Use of Curse Words

January 24, 1995

Dear Bethy,

Well, I got the letter from Farryl. Pathetic. Always saying " I don't need time, Corey Ann" "I won't regret this, Corey Ann" I wonder if she thinks she makes a point by using my full name? I don't know. I wonder. You know, after this letter, I've come to the conclusion I don't even want to be her friend anymore. I think real true friends would always realize the other person makes mistakes. And you know what? I don't think I made a mistake by writing Farryl that letter, I meant ever word. It was the right thing to do. SHE'S A FUCKING BITCHY BRAT AND SHE KNOWS IT!!!

Anyway, enough about Farryl, even though that's my life right now.

Also, Ellen and I decided we're doing something together for the 6th grade talent show. She's going to play the piano while I sing "A Whole New World".

You know, I never told you but in December I was in a play called Amahl and the Night Visitors. I was Amahl, a 12 year old crippled boy! It was sooooo much fun. And I got paid $150- Nice deal!

Love,

Corey

It must be nice to never be at fault. I'm so glad I've come around to NOT being sorry at ALL about the condescending, evil note I took it upon myself to write. I mean, if I find someone bitchy for no apparent reason I should DEFINITELY lay it all out and describe their faults, just for the betterment of humanity. It's actually selfless. Generous. I was being NICE. How dare she use my full name in response??

...It actually sounds like I got off pretty easy given how horrible I was. I remember this being so upsetting and destroying me, but in reality I feel like Farryl didn't really fight back too hard. She basically said what everyone else should have said at that point: I don't want you in my life.

My use of cursing still leaves something to be desired. I respect the effort, but 27 year old Corey sounds way less awkward when swearing like a sailor. I'll grow into it I guess. "Fucking bitchy brat" just doesn't roll off the tongue easily enough.

I Want A Secret Admirer.

January 23, 1995

Dear Beth,

Allison came over today. We did out homework and then we called our friends, asked them questions about the other person, and the person we were asking questions to wouldn't know we were on the other line. For instance:

Allison and Reese are going out. Kristen LIKES Reese though, even though he's going out with Allison. Si she wrote him a secret admirer note. Unfortunately Allison (Who Kristen and I didn't want to find out) saw us giving the note and was immediately curious. So she kept asking about the note. Finally she guessed it was Kristen, and that it was an admirer note. When she guessed I couldn't keep it in any longer. So I told her what was left of the story and she got sooooo pissed at Kristen. Kristen found out that Allison knew even though she doesn't think I have anything to do with it. Consequently, they're in a fight.

Now you probably guessed that Allison and I called Kristen. I asked Kristen all these questions about Reese and Allison while Allison listened in. Then Allison called Farryl and asked her questions about me. Farrul said I was a bitch. Also, I wrote her a note saying "hmmm. what should I say? Nothing. Nothing can describe how sorry I am." and then ended with "Write back". Farryl was telling Allison about the note she wrote to me. It says stuff like "'hmmm. What should I say? Nothing. Nothing can describe how much I hate you." and "Don't bother writing back". I guess I await my fate tomorrow.

Oh well. I can live without Farryl. I meant what I said in my letter. She's a Vain Snobby Brat!

Love,

Corey

I feel like this phone call deal has become a little bit of a cliche, but it still is appalling to me. It's INVITING drama in, and its fascinating. We call the most controversial figures in our lives and make them say horrible things about us. For what purpose? To make the fight worse? To feed our anger? Because our lives are so boring that we have to constantly stir the pot??

Poor Kristen. She doesn't stand a chance against Allison's wrath and by enormous need to be a bitch. I fear for what happens to her next. Why did she write a secret admirer note?? why?? Do we learn these things in movies and think they are ok for real life? Is it result-oriented, or is just the giving of the note cathartic? Do secret admirer notes exist in real life? I invite any and all secret admirers to send notes my way. I like the ridiculous, naive frivolity of the gesture.

Of course I told Allison. Of COURSE Kristen doesn't think it has anything to do with me. Do these people never learn? Have I given them any reason to think I am trustworthy? How do I have them all fooled? Is it the tiny-ness? The blonde hair? The dimple??

I commend Farryl for standing up to me. I also commend her for making fun of my letter in all its pretentious glory. We throw words like "hate" around so freely. I can't think of a time I've told a friend (un-ironically) that I HATE them. It's committing to a feeling that is so strong... I think as adults we learn that these things shift.

And of course, I come out on top. After apologizing for the letter and realizing my sins, I go back to my original sentiment (capitalizations and all).